Three Ways to Tell if Your Mate Will Contest Custody‏

When a relationship is ending, it is a time of great upheaval, even if you have known for some time that this day would come.

Recognize that while this is a liberating time and an opportunity for improvement, it is also a transitional time, and a dangerous time, when early planning, and then execution on fruitful plans, is essential.  It is said that a split is like a violent death.  It may not go gently.  For your goals to be achieved, before taking action, you must assess and form a realistic plan.

As you do this, several assumptions will serve as protection:  The partners are not currently friends.  The partners have different and competing beliefs and needs presently. The partners seek different results from the split.  The competing and potentially derailing agendas of third parties will enter.  (Next Time:  Three Ways to Tell if You Can Trust Your Custody Lawyer.)  The process could spiral out of control.  Your ex cannot be relied on nor trusted to cooperate, or help you achieve your goals.  It's every man for himself!  Think, prepare and plan.  You must have a plan. 

Now.  If parenting is important to you, as it should be, a key assessment to make before parting, is whether your mate will challenge you for child custody.  Do not depend on assumptions.  Don't indulge in wishful thinking.  Famous last words are "S/he wouldn't do that!"  "S/he doesn't want custody!"  "I can't win!"  (Next Time:  Three Misconceptions About Custody Battles.) 

Did you know that parents go into a custody challenge basically on equal footing?  With "equal rights" there are now NO presumptions in favor of either parent.  If there is a custody battle, you will have to fight it out!  The results you seek, or assume will happen, are not assured.  Don't take anything for granted. 

Here are three ways to tell if your parting mate will contest custody:

1. Always assume a parting mate will challenge custody.  Make a plan early and find a TRUSTED LAWYER to help you execute on the plan.  As my 100 year old grandfather used to preach, "it's better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it."  Pre-plan.  Prepare.  Get good help.

2. Domestic violence is a proven precursor to custody challenges.  Mothers and fathers, men and women:  has there been domestic violence in your relationship?  Did you know domestic violence is not just hitting?  It can take several forms, such as psychological, emotional, or sexual abuse.  All forms of abuse=domestic violence.  (For more information, see http://www.domesticviolence.org/what-is-abuse.)  Do not become involved with, try to change, stay involved with, or procreate with violent (any form - see above) partners.

If you have already, let's move forward, and contain the damage now.  This is one of the main predictors of a custody challenge.  For, often when you split and the violent mate loses control of you, they will take their quest to the court system and the innocent children.  Do not underestimate this threat; it is real.  The violence is quite often completely ignored by the courts, and the violent partner will have rights to the children.  (Next Time:  Three Things to Do Now If You Are Involved in a Custody Battle.)  Seek the counsel of an EXPERIENCED LAWYER in this complex scenario.  NOW.

3. If finances are key and your ex is savvy, expect a custody challenge.  Was money a huge issue in your relationship, or a key reason for the split?  Is your ex savvy about finances?  Do they have the resources to hire counsel for damage control?  If so, expect a custody challenge.  Often custody battles occur simply as a means of containing the financial fallout from a split.  If your ex has reason to limit or avoid paying child support altogether, LAWYER UP EARLY AND GET READY for the pending challenge!!

Wishing you peaceful journeys.  CALL US for experienced and insightful help today!